In mourning for running

I really miss running. I grieve for my running days. Four years ago I had ran several 5K races and was training for a 10 K when I started having pain in my left hip. I ignored it and kept training because I didn't want to be a wimp and I was sure that it would work itself out. By the time I got to 4 mile runs twice per week I noticed that my times were getting slower and that my left leg was hurting, not just the hip. Before long my left knee, left ankle and left foot were hurting and not just while running, they were hurting all the time. So I made an appointment with a sports med physician. Turns out I have a pelvic misalignment and that running on the highway/highway shoulder aggravated my mis alignment and I had soft tissue injury/muscle injury. No more running at least for the time being. I went through physical therapy, got arch inserts for my shoes (actually just the left foot) and took massive doses of anti-inflammatories. The pain went away and I gradually felt better. I had to take the running slowly and a year later I was running a little bit. I wanted to run more so I started back at square one with my original training program: Cool running's couch to 5k. I started and stopped this program many times and it took me 2 years to be able to start and finish the program. But...once I got past the program and tried to increase speed and/or distance I started having pain again.

So, this is where I am at. I try to jog intervals while walking either outside or on a treadmill until something hurts and then I stop. I see other people running and I remember that high. Yes, there is a runners high and there is nothing else like it. Dennis gets a bikers high and is as excited about riding his bike as I am about running. I've tried to like biking. I have a brand new bike and all the gear but my heart is just not in it. I get on the bike and I ride and I think, "this is okay but I'd like to be running." The next day I do my piddly walk/run intervals to the point of pain and realize that I need to give biking a fair chance. Then I get on the bike and see people running and the cycle starts all over again. I love to be outside running among nature taking in all the sites, smells and sounds...or listening to my ipod..timing my cadence to the song. When I'm biking I have to me more aware and alert to others and I can't be as aware of my surroundings as I'm rolling along...

I remember running in zero degrees with subzero wind chill. I remember running in a sleet storm and having icecicles on my eyelashes. I remember thinking "I must be crazy but isn't this fun!" I remember losing 20 pounds without really adjusting my diet at all. Now I can't lose weight unless I starve myself.

I wonder if it's worth it for me to re-visit sports med/physical therapy to try to get back to running regularly...or should this almost 44 year old just let it go and move on? I suppose if I had been a runner in my 20's it would be different but I never started running until I was in my 30's...so I hadn't built up my "base" for very long before injury sidelined me.

Okay enough of my pity party, guess I'll go eat another cookie...